u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
