She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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