On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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