If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
