Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
