she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
