I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
