It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
