the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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