Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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