just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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