If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
