she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
