I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sorry about my life...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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