you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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