He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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