i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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