I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
