i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
