Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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