It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
