i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
