I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
