just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
