There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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