I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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