Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dick very happy bro
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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