she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
