i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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