I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
