Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
