can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
