grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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