I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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