My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
