umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
