I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
