I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
