I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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