we have officially lost it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
