he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
