So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
