Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
