omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
