I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
