I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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