I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
