"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
