my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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