Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
