the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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