A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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