his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You are the jesus of drinking
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
