No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
