she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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