I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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