I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
