dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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