we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
