what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
