I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
