Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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