see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
