How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
