You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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