in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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