the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
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I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
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It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.