I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.