This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction