there's paper in my vomit.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.