I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
