yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?