All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk