My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
