I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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