I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
