the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
