I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
