i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
