Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
