its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
